This is always the answer when a friend says "should I take my child to the pediatrician?" Well, what are you hoping the pediatrician will do? Is it plausibly the sort of thing an antibiotic will help with, or are you going to be told "it's probably viral, get lots of rest and lots of fluid"? Because I can tell you that without you needing to get in the car!
I had a friend ask me if I thought it would be irresponsible to watch her child at home and not take them to the doctor. I was a little flummoxed, because 9/10 times there’s nothing the doctor can do. It can be helpful to have a diagnosis when you’ve got a baby and you can’t tell if their ears are infected, but still, even with that the newer studies show that expectant management is reasonable in most cases (and I want to get an otoscope so I can just look). I do think parents feel ill equipped to handle illness, and don’t understand that fevers are not usually in themselves dangerous. We have just lost all our common sense. I’ve observed in myself that while I’m not anxious about getting sick, it’s been very hard to deal with my increased anxiety around getting other people sick. I finally had to put my foot down with myself and draw some lines — if someone is vomiting, obviously ill, or has a fever, we of course stay home. If they have a runny nose and are tearing around the house we’re probably just going to proceed as normal, because with 7 people *someone* is always sniffling. But Covid really altered my gauge and I’m still trying to get back to a normal understanding of illness (of course, I don’t think it helps that we’ve had such bad years of illness because everyone is playing catch up!)
I feel you! As the kids say, if they evem say that now. Ha. But I agree and much more wordily asked about that after you did, didn't read all the way through your comment apparently!
We are dealing with this too especially with elderly in our life. Trying to get to a place where a sniffle might not cause the entire family to disown us if we saw grandma and she gets sick after and they noticed we had a sniffle.
I’m learning and gradually setting up a good medicine cabinet. I have an otoscope, finger oxygen sensor, and will probably get a small nebulizer for saline next.
I really do think frugality helps parents learn this too. My family does a Christian medical sharing group, which means we pay for most visits out of pocket and it's amazing how much that deters taking children in for minor things. I'm not saying going to the doctor or good health insurance doesn't have it's place, but I do wonder if people have simply forgotten how to let things run their course because going to the doctor is "free". Of course insurance companies and the medical system are just fine with that.
I have a question for you, it seems you will bring some good sense to it. I am normally unworried by illness within reason, because of all you discuss. I have two situations, one post-covid, one just regular, where I start second-guessing my laissez-faire (not in tending the kids, to be clear, just in not stressing about it or trying to prevent it or analyze it, etc.) approach and they are thus:
1) When we have plans to do something and we have lingering coughs or congestion or had a fever a day or two before or a stomach virus a few days ago, etc. I have the general impression, confirmed somewhat by the way others in our 'circle' -- which consists of a lot of families and many of them pretty/very large, so seems like SOMEone generally has or had something -- deal with such things not infrequently, that I should either warn everyone and clear it with them if I think they will be honest about their comfort with whatever illness and potentially exposing their families to it, or just stay home if there's the possibility someone will say they're okay with it but isn't. And in some rare situations I misjudge, it seems, and strikes me as people are a little shocked that I even am asking and putting them in a position to decide. I don't think I remember this being like this before covid? Not to the extent it now is anyway..! How would you/did you deal with such things?
2) My husband is Russian and they tend to be quite in favor of staying home at the first sign of anything and sort of babying whomever, not necessarily in the derogatory way that sounds, just can't think of a better verb. If your throat is a little scratchy, you consume nothing colder than warm, you wrap a scarf around your neck, and you take it easy. Probably no baths or showers til it's passed. Etc. If you feel under the weather, you stay home from work (I mean he does, I am at home) and get better, you don't tough it out and make it worse/drawn out (I agree with this latter one and think we tend to do the opposite as Americans). Anyway, I find he tries to trace and villify whatever/whomever the cause is of illnesses, and here I am not sure how to respond either. I tend to say something like, "Well, could be, but who will ever know for sure?", but sometimes, also rarely, he is insistent we should avoid X or Y because of it. I suppose I could just agree because it's rare, but thought I'd ask about that as I'm already on this topic.
Maybe I *am* too laissez-faire though, could be.
Anyway and also, thank you for all your posts here!
I think we really need to try to move away from trying to locate "Patient Zero" in normal things. Yes, sometimes you can tell it was the coughing, sneezing toddler at Mass who got everyone sick. Oh well.
As my stepmother would say, "It builds immunities!"
As to 1) -- I do recall pre-Lockdown hysteria, people saying before a playdate, "we have a little sniffle -- we could stay home or not, up to you." And then you'd say, "Oh, we just got over being sick, let's re-schedule" or "we are going to the playground after all, it will be fine!"
2) I think your response is right. It's good to try to stay home and it isn't always possible. You usually can't tell where you picked something up, so why worry?
I think I know what you mean on the play date dance. My rule of thumb is if nobody’s thrown up or had a fever in 24 hours, or is clearly under the weather, we’ll keep plans.
I have ruminated on it being a “false god” situation. We have a different situation dealing with childhood cancer on top of all the other ins and outs of sickness and I have a medical background so that also alters things but I have noticed that there is a deferral to authority that many have with the white coats in their life which can cause much harm. Since the Hippocratic Oath is to “first do no harm” and the current Standard of Care is based on “protocols” for efficiency and streamlining care not individual care that is patient centered there appears to be a lot of faith based decisions happening (example: anyone under two months that enters the hospital with a fever, any fever to my knowledge, gets a spinal tap to rule out meningitis and a litany of tests causing a massive amount of stress to the infant making it harder to heal; may actually cause harm).
It’s frightening how one or one’s child gets sucked into the funnel of protocol. And parents have little or no understanding of and confidence in their ability and duty to make decision for their own child.
And the fear of “getting it wrong “ is intense.
I remember our first “old school “ pediatrician who was so conservative and observation-based. I’m so glad I had him in my early years as a mom. His “let’s take a wait and see attitude” helped me in many situations even after I had to live on to other doctors.
My husband, a primary care physician, shares how often he has to tell parents of patients (or the adult patients themselves) some variation of: “lots of rest and monitor at home.” Or alternatively, “it is a post-viral cough. It can last a long time. Use cough drops and stay hydrated.” He says he feels bad not being able to do more than educate! I say, it’s too bad they didn’t have a good mom to teach them to take care of themselves!
I am so glad you said this! I have been baffled by the many people around us still testing for covid—and now other flu types. It just seems like a lot of fear and dependency on medical/pharma systems, when, like you said, the vast majority of the time rest, fluids, easily digestible food and time will take care of whatever ails you. I also relate to looking forward to sickness especially in my school days. I would long to catch a good cold in order to have a few days off watching game shows and old reruns on TV (though I would be happy to skip the stomach viruses!).
Seriously, does one need to take a test to confirm that they are sick? Usually, our bodies send very clear signals that something is slightly off. It's almost like some people can no longer use basic reasoning to make a basic assessment about their well-being. It is almost like some people have been conditioned to "rely on the experts and the technocrats" for the most basic of things. Or maybe that is part of the plan...
And Lewis' positive spin on being sick is classic! Sometimes our best moments are when we take a break from the business of life and do something like read a good book. At the very least, I'll be it makes the "experts" mad when we take a moment to immerse ourselves in the good, the true, and the beautiful :)
This is always the answer when a friend says "should I take my child to the pediatrician?" Well, what are you hoping the pediatrician will do? Is it plausibly the sort of thing an antibiotic will help with, or are you going to be told "it's probably viral, get lots of rest and lots of fluid"? Because I can tell you that without you needing to get in the car!
I had a friend ask me if I thought it would be irresponsible to watch her child at home and not take them to the doctor. I was a little flummoxed, because 9/10 times there’s nothing the doctor can do. It can be helpful to have a diagnosis when you’ve got a baby and you can’t tell if their ears are infected, but still, even with that the newer studies show that expectant management is reasonable in most cases (and I want to get an otoscope so I can just look). I do think parents feel ill equipped to handle illness, and don’t understand that fevers are not usually in themselves dangerous. We have just lost all our common sense. I’ve observed in myself that while I’m not anxious about getting sick, it’s been very hard to deal with my increased anxiety around getting other people sick. I finally had to put my foot down with myself and draw some lines — if someone is vomiting, obviously ill, or has a fever, we of course stay home. If they have a runny nose and are tearing around the house we’re probably just going to proceed as normal, because with 7 people *someone* is always sniffling. But Covid really altered my gauge and I’m still trying to get back to a normal understanding of illness (of course, I don’t think it helps that we’ve had such bad years of illness because everyone is playing catch up!)
I feel you! As the kids say, if they evem say that now. Ha. But I agree and much more wordily asked about that after you did, didn't read all the way through your comment apparently!
We are dealing with this too especially with elderly in our life. Trying to get to a place where a sniffle might not cause the entire family to disown us if we saw grandma and she gets sick after and they noticed we had a sniffle.
I’m learning and gradually setting up a good medicine cabinet. I have an otoscope, finger oxygen sensor, and will probably get a small nebulizer for saline next.
I really do think frugality helps parents learn this too. My family does a Christian medical sharing group, which means we pay for most visits out of pocket and it's amazing how much that deters taking children in for minor things. I'm not saying going to the doctor or good health insurance doesn't have it's place, but I do wonder if people have simply forgotten how to let things run their course because going to the doctor is "free". Of course insurance companies and the medical system are just fine with that.
This helps us decide often too, well is the potential outcome of not going worth the cash we will pay for a visit?
I have a question for you, it seems you will bring some good sense to it. I am normally unworried by illness within reason, because of all you discuss. I have two situations, one post-covid, one just regular, where I start second-guessing my laissez-faire (not in tending the kids, to be clear, just in not stressing about it or trying to prevent it or analyze it, etc.) approach and they are thus:
1) When we have plans to do something and we have lingering coughs or congestion or had a fever a day or two before or a stomach virus a few days ago, etc. I have the general impression, confirmed somewhat by the way others in our 'circle' -- which consists of a lot of families and many of them pretty/very large, so seems like SOMEone generally has or had something -- deal with such things not infrequently, that I should either warn everyone and clear it with them if I think they will be honest about their comfort with whatever illness and potentially exposing their families to it, or just stay home if there's the possibility someone will say they're okay with it but isn't. And in some rare situations I misjudge, it seems, and strikes me as people are a little shocked that I even am asking and putting them in a position to decide. I don't think I remember this being like this before covid? Not to the extent it now is anyway..! How would you/did you deal with such things?
2) My husband is Russian and they tend to be quite in favor of staying home at the first sign of anything and sort of babying whomever, not necessarily in the derogatory way that sounds, just can't think of a better verb. If your throat is a little scratchy, you consume nothing colder than warm, you wrap a scarf around your neck, and you take it easy. Probably no baths or showers til it's passed. Etc. If you feel under the weather, you stay home from work (I mean he does, I am at home) and get better, you don't tough it out and make it worse/drawn out (I agree with this latter one and think we tend to do the opposite as Americans). Anyway, I find he tries to trace and villify whatever/whomever the cause is of illnesses, and here I am not sure how to respond either. I tend to say something like, "Well, could be, but who will ever know for sure?", but sometimes, also rarely, he is insistent we should avoid X or Y because of it. I suppose I could just agree because it's rare, but thought I'd ask about that as I'm already on this topic.
Maybe I *am* too laissez-faire though, could be.
Anyway and also, thank you for all your posts here!
Maria :]
I think we really need to try to move away from trying to locate "Patient Zero" in normal things. Yes, sometimes you can tell it was the coughing, sneezing toddler at Mass who got everyone sick. Oh well.
As my stepmother would say, "It builds immunities!"
As to 1) -- I do recall pre-Lockdown hysteria, people saying before a playdate, "we have a little sniffle -- we could stay home or not, up to you." And then you'd say, "Oh, we just got over being sick, let's re-schedule" or "we are going to the playground after all, it will be fine!"
2) I think your response is right. It's good to try to stay home and it isn't always possible. You usually can't tell where you picked something up, so why worry?
Take more elderberry cordial, get more sunshine!
I think I know what you mean on the play date dance. My rule of thumb is if nobody’s thrown up or had a fever in 24 hours, or is clearly under the weather, we’ll keep plans.
I have ruminated on it being a “false god” situation. We have a different situation dealing with childhood cancer on top of all the other ins and outs of sickness and I have a medical background so that also alters things but I have noticed that there is a deferral to authority that many have with the white coats in their life which can cause much harm. Since the Hippocratic Oath is to “first do no harm” and the current Standard of Care is based on “protocols” for efficiency and streamlining care not individual care that is patient centered there appears to be a lot of faith based decisions happening (example: anyone under two months that enters the hospital with a fever, any fever to my knowledge, gets a spinal tap to rule out meningitis and a litany of tests causing a massive amount of stress to the infant making it harder to heal; may actually cause harm).
It’s frightening how one or one’s child gets sucked into the funnel of protocol. And parents have little or no understanding of and confidence in their ability and duty to make decision for their own child.
And the fear of “getting it wrong “ is intense.
I remember our first “old school “ pediatrician who was so conservative and observation-based. I’m so glad I had him in my early years as a mom. His “let’s take a wait and see attitude” helped me in many situations even after I had to live on to other doctors.
My husband, a primary care physician, shares how often he has to tell parents of patients (or the adult patients themselves) some variation of: “lots of rest and monitor at home.” Or alternatively, “it is a post-viral cough. It can last a long time. Use cough drops and stay hydrated.” He says he feels bad not being able to do more than educate! I say, it’s too bad they didn’t have a good mom to teach them to take care of themselves!
I am so glad you said this! I have been baffled by the many people around us still testing for covid—and now other flu types. It just seems like a lot of fear and dependency on medical/pharma systems, when, like you said, the vast majority of the time rest, fluids, easily digestible food and time will take care of whatever ails you. I also relate to looking forward to sickness especially in my school days. I would long to catch a good cold in order to have a few days off watching game shows and old reruns on TV (though I would be happy to skip the stomach viruses!).
Great article, Leila!
Seriously, does one need to take a test to confirm that they are sick? Usually, our bodies send very clear signals that something is slightly off. It's almost like some people can no longer use basic reasoning to make a basic assessment about their well-being. It is almost like some people have been conditioned to "rely on the experts and the technocrats" for the most basic of things. Or maybe that is part of the plan...
And Lewis' positive spin on being sick is classic! Sometimes our best moments are when we take a break from the business of life and do something like read a good book. At the very least, I'll be it makes the "experts" mad when we take a moment to immerse ourselves in the good, the true, and the beautiful :)
Thank you! Yes, these "setbacks" are actually blessings, even if they don't feel like it at the moment. Why are we in such a frenzy?