On the Feast of Glorious St. Gregory, Be Like Him in Your Own Place -- Make a "Pocket"!
Why we chose him to be the patron of the Pockets
St. Gregory was a tireless evangelist. That word has almost lost meaning — let’s say he tirelessly had the salvation of souls in mind! And he didn’t want anyone to be lonely.
On Like Mother, Like Daughter, my other blog, ten years ago today!! — we put into motion an idea for making friends.
We called it The St. Gregory Pockets.
This idea is for men and women.
We saw then that lonely women who desperately want to do well nurturing their families and maybe the community beyond, were wasting their energy in online activity and sometimes getting into needless anxiety and turmoil because of it.
Men depend on their wives for their socialization most of the time. But we noticed that people were having trouble knowing how to build a community. We know we did… Maybe there are book clubs for the moms… but what about ten or fifteen years from now? Will the children have a solid peer group? Will the husbands know each other?
I had the idea that ONLINE could be used to good effect! It could help us find each other IN REAL LIFE. My daughters helped me hash it all out.
This is not a “movement” or anything you sign up for or pay for, nor do we have swag to sell or anything else. It’s just a template for building your “like-minded” community. You do it! We just tell you how, because we are the beneficiaries of a very rare sort of community, yet we can tell you the elements that go into it.
Here’s what I wrote ten years ago:
Do you remember this post of Sukie's, in which she casually refers to “ little pockets of like-minded communities spread all over”? Unfortunately the comments didn't make it over to the new site here, but there were a lot, as many of you lamented your inability to find these pockets of which she spoke…
Some of you are already in the midst of a thriving community of friends. But I keep hearing many of you say that you would like to connect with other Like Mother, Like Daughter readers — either a women's group or a couples' group. (And who knows, maybe men's groups as well.)
Announcing the official Like Mother, Like Daughter, Pocket-Forming Kindred-Spirit-Finding, Community-Making debut!
On the Feast of Glorious St. Gregory, beloved by Protestants and Catholics and Orthodox alike!
Gregory rescued the disintegrating city by bringing true worship of Christ to the people. You might not know it, but this is what you are called to do as well. So he's a great patron!
St. Gregory was a monk, but the imagination, once informed about him, pictures him not in a cloister but striding around the world, gathering up the needy. Or sending others to do the gathering! (And worshipping in papal splendor with great humility!)
We thought the Pockets all out so you can avoid the pitfalls.
Here’s the vision! (Scroll down in that post to get the whole idea)
Basically it came down to this. Find the people. (“Who is my neighbor?” Not necessarily a person who agrees with every single thing I think or does just what I do or is exactly my age… )
Make them dinner.
Throw them a baby shower.
Watch their kids while they go to the doctor.
Don't ask why no one makes you dinner when you have had a baby.
Just make dinner for as many people as need them.
Don't ask why no one throws you a baby shower. Just throw one (and please, for the love of all that is sanity, keep it simple and try not to consult Pinterest too much) — yes, for that mom who is having her fourth baby, because you know what? She is afraid that she has lost her mind.
You can assure her that she has, but it's okay, because you'll bring her dinner after.
Invite other families for Sunday supper, early, after church.
Find other homeschoolers and have them over to discuss curriculum.
Oh, I have other ideas and some of them are actually discussing LMLD posts!
In that post I also addressed what I called “fallacies” or pitfalls in seeking friends. Give it a read!
Sometimes the “hook” for getting together is indeed discussing my Like Mother, Like Daughter posts (or starting a book club to read The Summa Domestica — it’s a book where I put in all my ideas and experiences of building Christian culture and educating children.)
But the aim — the overall goal — is to have a solid community in which your children can thrive.
In other words, it’s a long-term project, this Pocket, not just to assuage your loneliness now but to form bonds for later.
I think ten years later we can see that it has borne fruit.
As I wrote last week on LMLD, we have to have confidence.
Read about Bold Friendship, a post which contains some general tips if you are interested in getting a Pocket started in your area, or if you want to think about how to be a good member of a Pocket.
Is there no Pocket in your area [look here for a list, scroll down], but you're scared to start one, yourself? Here is a post with encouragement and some practical tips.
Need some ideas of what to read and discuss? We have a suggested reading list here to get you started.
If you are in a stage of life where you don’t think this all applies to you, please, nevertheless, just let your daughters, nieces, and needy neighbors know about our Pockets. However, the Pockets are for older, experienced mothers too. One thing I’ve found is the young moms tend to be the blind leading the blind and that is one reason their relationships stumble. It is SO helpful for them to have slightly older moms there, and much older moms too.
They need those voices that can calmly assure them.
Want to start your own Pocket or revive one that seems defunct (they are here and some are indeed now out of date)? Let me know! I’ll help you!
St. Gregory, pray for us!
Thanks for the audio version!
> Find other homeschoolers and have them over to discuss curriculum.
This has become a bigger movement nowadays, with microschooling and shared homeschooling/unschooling. Your suggestion was ahead of the curve 10 years ago :-)